A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"
Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "200 DOLLARS? YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR MIND!"
A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for some food.
She got out her purse and took ten dollars out and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of food?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago", the homeless woman told her.
"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" she asked.
"No, I don't waste time shopping," the homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this in a beauty salon instead of food?" she asked.
"Are you NUTS !" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"
"Well," she said, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight."
The homeless woman was shocked. "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The woman says, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine."
Jim invited his mother for dinner, during the course of the meal; his mother couldn't help but notice how lovely Jim's room mate, Angie, was.
She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Jim and his room mate than met the eye.
Reading his mum's thoughts, Jim volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Angie & I are just room mates".
About a week later, Angie came to Jim saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I have been unable to find the frying pan, you don't suppose she took it do you?"
"Well I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her just to be sure" said Jim.
So he sat down and wrote an email.
DEAR MOTHER,
I AM NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DID" TAKE THE FRYING PAN FROM MY
HOUSE. I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DID NOT" TAKE THE FRYING PAN BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IT HAS BEEN MISSING EVER SINCE YOU WERE HERE FOR DINNER.
LOVE JIM
Several days later, Jim received an email from his mother which read:
DEAR SON,
I AM NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DO" SLEEP WITH ANGIE, AND I AM
NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DO NOT" SLEEP WITH ANGIE, BUT THE FACT REMAINSTHAT IF SHE WAS SLEEPING IN HER OWN BED, SHE WOULD HAVE FOUND THE FRYING PAN BY NOW.
LOVE MOM
