Sri Lankan

A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.

"Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with
my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around, noticed one of
the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the
tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt."

"That's when I made my big mistake."

"What did you do?" asks the doctor.

"Well, I lifted the cow's tail again and yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!"

"I don't remember much after that!"

Two blonds rented a boat and went fishing. After finding a good location, the
first blond told the second one to mark the spot so when they came back they
will be able to find it again. On the way home, the first one asked, "How did
you mark that spot?" The reply was, "I put an X on the bottom of the boat." To
that, the first blond said, "You idiot! How do you know we'll get the same boat
next time?"

A little boy walks into his parents room to see his mom on top of his dad
bouncing up and down. The mom see's her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dress's quickly and goes to find him. The son see's his mom and asks' "What were you and dad doing?"
The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."
"You're wasting your time." says the boy.
"Why is that?" asked him mom, puzzled.
"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."